| Writer's Note. |
[18 Sep 2005|01:13am] |
There will be no, or very few, new entries on this journal.
All further activity goes on over at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) mission_gamma.
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| Thursday 2100 - Personal Log |
[25 Jun 2005|06:03am] |
Today has been rather more.. 'busy' than I would ever have intended.
I was scheduled for my Starfleet Medical Examination at 1300 hours today with Dr. Lee.. it was interesting, to say the least. It required me to lie on a biobed naked, I am still unsure why. This was a most uncomfortable situation for both myself and Amanda.. especially after our brief argument only moments before.
She professes that she still has feelings for me.. it is mutual.. and I can only assume that her relationship with Lieutenant Sh'Dani is causing her some small amount of stress.
I would record more of what occured, though truly I do not know quite how to express it in words.. we had a conversation about relationships whilst I lay naked and she performed various tests on me.
I also discovered something interesting about Kel.. if I am correct, the poor advice he gave someone that was self-motivated was infact advice given to Amanda regarding myself and the Lieutenant. I saw Kel later at the new Bar on the Promenade with Ensign Michaels and from his behaviour I can only deduce that I am correct.
However, I do not know why he gave such advice, I am as of yet unaware of his personal motivations in this...
I can not think bad of him, he is a good man. I see this most clearly. However, I do not know how to proceed.. caution and care seems wise.
And on another note, I was most correct, the bracelet looked delightful on Amanda's wrist and complimented the tonal colours of her hair. She seemed overjoyed at my gift and I, as always, lost my ability to form words of intelligence right at the moment when they would have been of use.
This is only my second night back on Empok Nor and already I feel endlessly weary.
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| Wed 2300 - Personal Log |
[24 Jun 2005|02:07am] |
I have returned, once again, to Empok Nor.
I wish I could say that I return to a 'blessed calm', but of course nothing is ever quite that simple.
Kel, my good dear friend, met me at the Airlock and ushered me back to my quarters with a rather surreal conversation about poetry, he then informed me of all the.. the 'goings on' on Empok Nor since I left. I will say nothing about it all, it all seems so ridiculous as to not be real.
I did, however, have a very interesting conversation with Kel.. he seems troubled by something, he told me that he gave someone bad advice that benefitted himself today.. this, of course, is not in keeping with his good and honest nature, and he seems to me to be disturbed by what he has done.
I do not know who said person was, or what he told them.. though I have an incling it may have something to do with myself. Surely, he would have confided in me otherwise.
As he left, I deliberately made him aware of such thoughts. How do I know he read those thoughts of mine? I saw the smallest glimmer in his eyes, momentary surprise. Gone the same instant it was there.
He has fast become someone dear to me, a good friend, someone I know that I can place my trust in.
I worry that I have only added to his troubles..
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| 0840 - Personal Log |
[06 Jun 2005|03:39am] |
Despite my apparent need to tell Amanda exactly how I felt.. since only half an hour ago, I feel the sudden need to never say anything again. I have not, for many long years, had quite such a heated argument with a woman.
Perhaps the brief respite on this Away Mission will give me time to occupy myself in other thoughts.. despite the notable presence of Lt Tashanas. I will apologize to her at the first chance I have, I was unnecessarily curt to her yesterday.
Some things never happen the way they should.
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| Personal Log - 1630 |
[05 Jun 2005|03:16pm] |
I have been simply too confused to enter a personal log for the past day.. last night Dr. Lee found me on the Promenade, she was noticeably drunk. I escorted her back to her quarters where she proceeded to kiss me.. the worrying thing is, I kissed her back.
She seemed hurt by my confusion, and because of it I acted in a manner unbecoming of a Cardassian and actually wooed her in a fashion.
I.. didn't sleep at all well last night, though for entirely different reasons. Amanda being the main one. Though I felt oddly cheerful this morning, I invited her to dinner tonight.. to which she replied that she had invited Lieutenant Sh'Dani to her quarters for dinner.
I admit, I am more confused than I felt it possible to be. I spoke to her last night of commitment.. monogamy.. serious attraction. Such Cardassian values. I do not believe she took it to heart or understood. My extensive reading of terran literature has ill prepared me for such an eventuality.
Amanda and the Lieutenant seem... close.. physically so. I wonder at times if I am simply an amusement to the good Doctor.
But nevermind... I should not let my mind dwell on it, it is hardly healthy.
I received a message and a poem a few moments ago from an undisclosed sender.. I am supposedly required to meet them in the Replimat at 1900.
It cannot be from Kel Andrus, whom I met this afternoon and got along famously with.. he would simply have asked me. I have a suspicion that it may be from someone else currently in Ops, though who I am not aware of.
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| Personal Log - 1900 |
[04 Jun 2005|03:36am] |
It was strangely pleasant to have my dinner alone tonight, without the noise and bustle of the Replimat.
I have spent the majority of the day in Ops where I had a very 'interesting' and heated conversation with Lieutenant Sh'dani about things not being plain and simple.. she responded in a highly volatile manner, hardly befitting a Starfleet Officer I am sure. She also seemed quite derogatory of my status on the station... whether I am to be Ambassador or Professor.
I truly feel that both are ridiculous titles, I am hardly an Ambassador despite what Starfleet may like to label me.. and I ceased to be a Professor when the Dominion destroyed the University of Cardassia and my profession became one of limited use.
I also met the new First Officer, Lt Commander Wilson.. and the Chief of Starfleet Security, Tashanas. All is not right with her.. she seems Vulcan, and yet not at the same time. It warrants further exploration, of this I am quite sure.
It seems that tensions are quite fraught on the Station at the current time, I have heard nothing of the creature that has supposedly been brought aboard since the Away mission to the Badlands, apart from the official reports.
I will be glad of sleep tonight..whatever nightmares it brings.
End log.
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| Personal Log |
[03 Jun 2005|03:32pm] |
As predicted, I slept very little after my previous log.
I did, however, have time to think and calm myself. On reflection, it would seem wise to pursue this friendship, though be careful not to allow myself to stray too far into the realms of innapropriate behaviour.
On another note, the Doctor did not come to Breakfast this morning, her shift did not begin until 1000 hours so perhaps she simply overslept. I can not think that her mind is in the disarray that plagues my own. She seems far more free and relaxed about such things, as most terrans are I understand.
I have little doubt that I shall see her through the course of the day.
Until such a time, I will continue doing whatever duties the Good Captain gives me. At the current time I am some sort of Station 'Dogsbody', a sentiment I am sure Amanda would appreciate.
Work on the Infirmary was completed yesterday, there are only a few more shops and Bars on the Promenade that need further work, and of course 2 Holosuites and a few extra crew quarters that are hardly essential.
End log.
Madrel leaves his quarters and begins making his way to Ops.
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| Personal Log |
[03 Jun 2005|04:25am] |
I have attempted to sleep, and in all honesty it has not come as easily as I had earlier hoped.
Although the majority of yesterday was spent keeping myself busy getting the Infirmary up to appropriate conditions, the Away Team's return from The Badlands caused more than a few... 'issues'.
Once again I bumped into Dr. Lee in the Replimat, and shared a warm beverage and pleasant conversation with her, though at times I felt that she looked strangely at me.. in an innapropriate manner perhaps considering how well we are acquainted, or not acquainted as the case may be. I let such flickering thoughts pass though, they do me no good.
I accompanied the Doctor back to her quarters to see her terran canine, 'Beau'. He is a curiously excitable creature, this I found when feeding him yesterday.
I did my best to calm him yet when I looked back at the Doctor, she had an exceedingly strange expression on her face. I could barely tell whether she was shocked or pleased.
I did not stay to find out. It was an awkward situation to say the very least.
Madrel paused in thought for a few moments..
Computer, continue personal log.
This is nothing like I expected when I accepted this post from the Detapa Council, perhaps working on so small a Command Crew is making certain people bond far quicker than they usually would, this would certainly be the case between myself and.. Amanda. I think of her as 'Amanda' with increasing
regularity.
Perhaps it is foolish of me to become too personally involved with the Doctor, I am not sure it is wise to see her so frequently. Worries tug at the corners of my mind when I find myself crossing the borders of what is appropriate and what is too familiar for two officers.
On Cardassia such a thing would rarely occur, and if mutual interest was to exist then courtship would consist of a show of irritability from both partners towards the other.. wait.. why am I thinking about such a thing?
I barely know Amanda Lee, it is true that I wish to know her better, yet I must be cautious in my dealings with her. I cannot trust myself around her or trust in my ability to stay centered.
She is, I admit, a truly attractive woman for a Terran. She is intelligent, depite her occasional show of typical Terran foolishness, kind, open-minded and interesting.
There may be depths to her. This I do not know.
I can not help but think of my late Wife.. Korina. I loved her dearly, far more than I have loved anything I have ever known. She is gone, as is our daughter, and this simple fact I will never be able to change. I dream of her often, of how things were in Lakarian City before the War. She would not want me pining for her forever I think, no.. we Cardassians are a practical people.
However, it still perplexes me that I should feel so open around Amanda, she allows me to be as I am and for this I am thankful.
It frightens me, perhaps, that I may have feelings of any sort for her, yet as all great Cardassians, I shall embrace the thing that makes me weak in order to gain strength from it.
This is an excessively long Personal Log, I know, yet I think that I may have come to some sort of conclusion. Amanda Lee is a friend. However much I debate with myself or worry over the effect she has upon me, I shall remain fond of her and thankful daily for her presence on the Station.
Whatever more, I cannot at this time say.
End Log.
Madrel continued to sit in the dark of his quarters by the window, one leg folded over the other as he gazed out at the blackness of Space. It was silent, dark, comforting. He could almost forget he was on Empok Nor. He allowed his mind to wander to thoughts of home, or the home he once knew. He would find little more sleep this night.
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| Personal Log |
[01 Jun 2005|11:19am] |
The Captain and Doctor are still on their Away Mission to The Norway and I have been relegated to sitting in my quarters.
No, I exagerrate, I spent a good while in Ops reviewing data yet I was of little help. Such situations are not what I was sent here for, they are, of course, the Federation's domain.
I have spent the majority of the late afternoon occupying myself with the Work Teams and I have reassigned two to Dr. Lee's Infirmary. Considering the nature of their departure, it seems only prudent to have it within 90% working efficiency as soon as possible. I am having at least a modicum of success organising the ongoing efforts to get Empok Nor running to capacity again and I am quite sure that a few less Crew Quarters and one or two HoloSuites temporarily out of order shan't be a burden for a good few days.
I should probably get back to work.
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| character notes |
[01 Jun 2005|08:50am] |
Character Notes on Madrel Tekar
Appearance: Cardassian man in his late-40s, tall, broad shouldered, handsome with sharp attentive eyes.
Background: Grew up in Lakarian City and joined the Cardassian Military as a Strategist for a very short period of time before becoming a Professor of Literature at the University of Cardassia Prime. During the Dominion Occupation he covertly aided a Resistance Cell and fought in the Battle of Cardassia.
Family: A wife and daughter, both died when Lakarian City was destroyed by the Dominion. He rarely speaks of them.
Interests and Specialities: Literature, the Arts and lively conversation. He's a quick learner and prides himself on his intelligence although he is somewhat out of his depth when it comes to engineering and the like.. he plans to become accustomed to whatever needs to be done whilst on Empok Nor.
Character traits: Charming and well-spoken, he likes being formal and polite to those deserving of it who have gained his respect yet he is more than willing to drop formalities around friends. He is largely mild mannered and will go out of his way to help people if he believes they are both in need of and deserving of help. He does not suffer fools gladly which can cause friction.
Additional Information.
-He doesn't feel at all well suited to the job of Cardassian Liason Officer on Empok Nor but is more than willing to do his best in a difficult situation.
-Madrel and the Chief Engineer Sonnet Mal currently have tense relations due to a facotr he is unaware of though her distaste of him amuses him slightly.
-He became immediately fond of the Station's Doctor, Amanda Lee, and appreciates her friendly open attitude towards him.
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| Personal Log, 11:00 |
[01 Jun 2005|01:48am] |
It is almost midday and even though I only came back to my quarters to pick up an additional Padd of de-bugging information, it seemed a good idea to sit down for a few moments.
I walked straight into the Captain and the good Doctor at 05:00 this morning, literally speaking.. it was a most uncomfortable situation, especially between myself and the Doctor. She is.. a very pleasant and attractive young woman, if a tad over-enthusiastic. I do appreciate her kindness and friendly attitude towards me though, I know that some members of the crew are uncomfortable around me to say the least.
This is entirely understandable, I won't pretend that it isn't.
They just fought a War that was largely against my people, it is perhaps difficult for them to understand that the vaste majority of Cardassians were against the Dominion, many fought and gave up their lives and it was our rebellion that turned the tide of the Dominion War..
800 million Cardassian lives was the price of freedom.
I am trying my best to remain upbeat about matters on Empok Nor though, I shall merely have to get used to their hopefully temporary mistrust and try to gain what little respect I can, for both myself and my people.
Until such a time, at least I have breakfasts with Amanda.
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[31 May 2005|07:25pm] |
As of yet, I am the only Cardassian on the Station and I feel completely out of place. Perhaps this is what Elim Garak felt like during his exile on DS9, though I am sure the Dominion War has inspired many mixed emotions amongst the Federation to my kind. I have felt both pity and distaste towards my presence so far.. it is perhaps understandable that they do not trust me. I should not expect it yet, despite the uneasy Alliance.
I miss my old books and I miss Cardassia, however many unhappy memories it may be home to. I feel like I should really be there, continuing in the efforts to rebuild our once great civilization, and not here, on Empok Nor where they have sent me.
Before I left, I remember Elim telling me over a glass of Kanar, "remember that to them you are Cardassia.. and act as such." A grin spread across his features and he wagged his finger at me, "a new Cardassia, my friend.."
I do so miss my fellow survivors on Cardassia, my friends.. though I suppose I shall make friends here.
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